Not much progress today. Too many things on my mind and not anything concrete to keep things from running through my head.
I seek answers. Sometimes that makes me seem obsessive in their pursuit. Sometimes I don’t trust the truth or the truth someone is telling me. I’ve seen these same people lie at times to cover themselves. Maybe that is why I am so relentless or maybe persistent.
I guess I need to work on this too. It probably pushes people away, especially the one I don’t want to push away. I was just in a funky mood today, I guess. My dreams lately haven’t been all that reassuring and God knows I don’t want to believe what they tell me. But the vividness and ability to recall and the repeat dreams, they weigh upon me.
Psychology would tell me that it is my subconscious trying to work things out that my conscious mind can not. Religion would tell that it is God trying to tell me something. If that’s the case, I wish He’d tell me something more concrete or profound. All this does is serve to get my emotions more screwed up than they already are.
I digress and rail against the only One who can help in this situation and ask forgiveness. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know that I can take it, if I have faith and believe. I must stay the course. Stay the course on changing myself, stay the course for the things I want and stay the course for that which I want most. If I do that then I will have those things that I most desire here on Earth.